The Reel Deal and Other Bad Jokes
Friday, December 31, 2004
Movies You Need To See
Here's my list of movies you need to see if you want to be able to say you know anything about movies. In other words--the classics. I don't care if you like them or not. In no particular order:

1. Pulp Fiction--"Does he look like a bitch!?" Tarentino's finest. Hard to make sense of, but so badass and entertaining I'm still working on my interpretation.

2. Resevoir Dogs--"SHUT THE FUCK UP! I'm fuckin' dyin' here!" You have to pause and think..."Y'know, he's got a point."

3. Kill Bill, both of 'em. "So if any of you sons of bitches have got anything else to say, NOW'S THE FUCKING TIME!" I'm not going to say which is better; it's like Macs v. PCs.

4. A departure from Tarentino--Swingers. "Look at this face. This is the guy behind the guy behind the guy." Ultra-low budget, ultra-high returns. It's just...unique.

5. Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels. "It's been emotional." Funny as hell and very snappy.

6. Snatch. "Do you know what 'nemesis' means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an 'orrible cunt... me." Some say it's exactly the same as #5. I wouldn't go that far; it's similar in style, certainly, but I loved the style. You can't help but love it. Note it's position in IMDB's top 250. A movie's got to be good to be there at all. Wait. Why am I saying this? I don't have to justify anything to you.

7. Shaun of the Dead. "Can I get... any of you cunts... a drink?" Best/funniest zombie movie ever. Still good if you don't like zombie movies. Which I don't.

8. Sin City. "You already made a big mistake yourself: You didn't flush." Think about that quote. Sin City isn't out yet, but the trailer is enough to put it on my list of both favorites and classics. It's a bold statement for a bold movie.

9. The Maltese Falcon. "What else is there I can buy you with? " The noir flick.

10. Casablanca. "Here's lookin' at you, kid." I haven't seen this. I need to.

11. Equilibrium. "Are you playing with me, Cleric!?" This should be higher on the list, but keep in mind order has no place on this list. Active lighting, great story, great action (in fact any action fan will come in their pants upon witnessing some of these scenes) great acting.

12. GoodFellas. "But, I'm funny how? Funny like a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I'm here to fuckin' amuse you?" It's a classic, but I didn't really care for it.

13. Fight Club. "I am Jack's smirking revenge." I'm not gonna talk about it.

14. The Cooler. "That guy is kryptonite on a stick." Damn it's good. That is all.

15. 28 Days Later. "The end is extremely fucking nigh" The protaginist's introduction. So alone. So very...alone.

16. Star Wars. "Vader's about to smack a bitch up in the hizzy!" Preferably the classics, but you might as well see the prequels too. Um. I made up the quote. I admit it.

17. The Lord of the Rings. "I see in your eyes a fear that would take the heart of me!" Obligatory.

18. Ferris Bueller's Day Off. "The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waistoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude." This is an excellent example of fucking good timing as applied to editing. Especially the scene where Ferris is running home. And the bit with Charlie Sheen..."There's someone you should talk to." Jeannie says, "If you say Ferris Bueller, you lose a testicle." Sheen, deadpan: "Oh, you know him?"

19. Another John Hughes film, The Breakfast Club. "Eat my shorts." Fuck the establishment!

20. Buffalo Soldiers. "There's basically two types of guys in the army- the motherfuckers and the motherfucked." I like a good fucked-up movie. This is one of those movies.

21. Full Metal Jacket. "I'll bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddam common courtesy to give him a reach-around. I'll be watching you!" The first half is the best.

This post will be linked on the sidebar and updated as I see fit. I have no intention of putting any of the Godfather films on this list, because I give less than a shit about them. I don't know why; it's just that I rented one and turned it off because it was so boring. I'm probably wrong about this whole trilogy, and I'll see them at some point through some diabolical Clockwork Orange scheme. But they're not going on the list. Sorry. Only I'm not.


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