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The Reel Deal and Other Bad Jokes
Thursday, April 29, 2004
 
Title Hard 2: Title Harder
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Hoo boy, late post today. May I present to you...Installment 5 of "Nobody's Fool." Check prior posts, as usual.

Then a blur of bright color whizzed from the floor to the table, kicking aside plates and goblets without a care. I realized why I hadn't seen the jester before. He was a dwarf, and short even for one of his race.
An exceptionally lean and agile dwarf, by all evidence. Avoiding grabs for his feet, and wagging his rainbow-dyed beard roguishly, he began a merry jig, calling out all the while.
"Women of negotiable affection and not-so-gentlemen, goils and boils, prepare yourself for a spectacle the likes of which you have never seen and never will again!"
"Get out of here, you fool!" I barked. "You're going to die!"
The dwarf wagged a finger. "I'm nobody's fool, but even I can see that this crowd wouldn't hurt a fly!" Which was true, to an extent. There were too many flies to bother swatting.
The crowd of roughnecks laughed uproariously. I sat back, my humanitarian effort for naught, and waited expectantly for one of the dismemberings the Dirtwater Fox was famous for.
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Did an awesome lighting setup today. Hung two 300w (w for watt) Peppers from the grid. These were the keylights for Derek and I, sitting side by side at a rectangular table. On the table was a mirror tile, intended to underlight me. Angled off of the grid was another mirror tile, and off to the side we hung a Tungsten Par. Thus, the light was that completely off to the side lit me from underneath. Ain't physics grand?

We rigged a 4'x8' bounce card (large white rectangle) at an angle on the grid. We punched a couple of 2K Redheads (small but powerful) into that, with blue gels over them, for some blue fill light. For a really intriguing effect, we put a mirror tile in a tray of water and bounced a 2K Mickey Mole off of it. Here's how it came together:

I sat at a table, pretending to construct a bullshit electrical device of some sort out of some zip cord, a voltage tester, and a 3-to-2 adapter. Derek knocks on the "door" off frame. I respond.

"Yeah, who is it?"

"It's me, man!"

"Yeah? What's the password?"

"Is it, uhhh, buttplug?"

"Close but no smoking cylindrical thing."

"Come on, man, let me in! I've got the food! Uh....beaver board!"

I got up, acknowleging the risque nickname of a particular grip rig as the password. I beckoned him in, hiding the lack of a door in shadow. Derek came in and sat down.

"Guess who I saw at the KFC, man? Ben Turney!" He referred to our Sound Operations teacher--the dry, boring one.

"You're shittin' me."

"Naw, man, I saw him! And he was totally different outside of class, man. He was all like, 'Word! Yo Derek, I want you to meet, uh, one of my honeys, I've got plenty,' and he had these girls with him that were just all over him and shit!"

"Naaawww..." I brought a couple of electrical components together. The key lights went out and the Par came on, just long enough to light up my face for an over-exposed moment, flicker, and go off, leaving us in blue moonlight and moonlight apparently reflecting off of the surface of a lake. We supposedly in a cabin.

"Let's go check the circuit breaker." We walked off screen.

"HOLY SHIT, IT'S BEN TURNEY AND HE'S BROUGHT SOME HOOKERS!"

Hey, it's improv. Whaddaya want?
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On the summer productions--The first, "Tracer Bullet," is going to be an adaptation of a series of Calvin and Hobbes strips. I'm using a home video camera and my family as cast.

The fifteen minute production is tenatively titled "The Good, The Bad, and The Hairy." It concerns Jesus, Satan, and God granting interviews to the media.

The half-hour production is called "The Adventures of Sanitational Worker." It's an absurd superhero parody, written by my very good friend Jimmy. I've directed you to his xanga before.

The crowning glory, the hour-long production, concerns three friends (Moe, Larry and Curly for now) who decide to take revenge on an enemy of their's (Bastard for now), an absolute bastard, by each stealing something that's valuable to the enemy. The one guy steals Bastard's car, the other his pride/dignity/reputation, and the third his girl, with a heartwarming speech.


Since I intend to screen these productions for money (I don't think I'll be able to make a profit) I'll need a soundtrack with music I have permission to use. Thus, I am taking submissions. You can send me links to downloadable MP3's, or you can IM me and send via AIM. If you know any musicians who might be interested, let them know please.

Themes include victory, love, defeat, good, evil, and divinity. Subjects include those things mentioned above and also paintball (paintball especially), kicking ass, getting one's ass kicked, being/feeling cool, driving, hell, heaven, the crucifixion (however you spell it), being a superhero, fighting crime, now I'm just reaching.

Anything that my descriptions inspire in you, submit it. Also, remixes or remakes of songs that would have relevance are appreciated. Particularly "It's Good To Be A Gangsta," because God needs a theme, and The Imperial March from Star Wars, or something very much like it--The Imperial March is called for in the script. But if your tune is just rockin', submit it. I'm not going to be picky about genre, but to give you an idea of my musical tastes I'm a big ACDC fan. Also The Rolling Stones, The Beach Boys, The Beastie Boys, Cake, and Queens of the Stone Age.

Thank you and good night.
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