The Reel Deal and Other Bad Jokes
Monday, April 19, 2004
This just in, J. Kuhn secretly desires a sex change operation!
I have an online class entitled "College Student Success." It's bullshit. If I already got through a semester with a 3.0 GPA (not hard to do at a community college) why do I need to bother?
In any case, I should be finishing up a paper entitled "New Perspective" right now that answers these questions:
Imagine that you have no choice but to change either your gender or your racial, ethnic, or religious group.
1. Which would you change and why?
2. What do you anticipate would be the positive and negative effects of the change--in your social life, in your family life, on the job, and at school?
3. How would what you know and experience before the change affect how you would behave after it?
Well, these all have advantages. I'm exempt from change of religion, because I have no religious group. The closest religion to my way of thinking is the First Church of Satan, excepting the "magik" bullshit.
Ethnicity, well...actually being able to say that I'm Irish would be cool. I don't really have any feeling on it.
Race and gender. How am I supposed to write that and stay politically correct? I don't think the teacher wants to hear that the reason I'd want to be black is because my dick would (conceivably) be bigger, or Asian because I'd know kung fu (a somewhat more baseless assumption), or a woman because I'm interested in the sexual experience.
The questions also lead me to believe that this would all happen overnight. Well hell, why not, while we're fantasizing, I mean, philosophying.
"What do you anticipate would be the positive and negative effects of the change--in your social life, in your family life, on the job, and at school?"
What the hell is that!? Hmmm, yes, I would, hypothetically get comments!
"Why, Justin. You have breasts! How interesting! What are you doing Friday night?"
"'Sup J? Where were ya this weekend, man? You got one hell of a tan!"
"Dear Mr. Kuhn: Due to your sudden and recent plastic surgery and hormone treatments, we have decided it would be best for all concerned if we kicked your perverted ass out of our program. Please, have a nice life in California. You freak.
The Board in Charge of Stuff"
And the third question, I just don't know about that. I just don't. Maybe I'd find out I preferred sex as a man? The stuff you knew before, how does it influence what you're knowing now? I don't know, because it happens constantly and I don't have to think about it. I don't think it would really effect anything, but that's not really true. What I mean is that I don't really think I'd be that different (mentally), so things would basically continue the way they did before. It seems like a profound question on the face of things, and it is. Profoundly stupid.
And no. A sex change ain't in the cards for me. Scalpel + Mr. Happy = Mr-Not-So-Happy.