The Reel Deal and Other Bad Jokes
Monday, April 26, 2004
The Lord of the Titles: Return of the Title
Installment 3 of "Nobody's Fool" (check prior posts)
"Shove off," a burly orc said belligerently. I pushed him off his chair.
"I meant, you shove yourself off!" he bellowed wittily, staggering to his feet and taking a swing at me. He missed, the worse for drink. My foot happened to be in his way, and he went down for the count. I hauled a goblin out of the booth by the scruff of his neck and tossed him aside. I sat down in the orc's place and Kahnrad took the goblin's.
I surveyed the three still sitting at the table.
"Lookee here, Kahnrad," I said. "Alcohol and gambling. Seems illegal."
Kahnrad shook his head. "No, Eric, but the loaded dice are definitely illegal. Guess we'll have to haul this lot in," he said. "Unless of course they get away."
The chairs were suddenly empty.
"Oh well," I said. "We'll have to just sit here and wait to arrest somebody." I snagged a passing bargirl. "A pair of your finest sour, watered-down ales, if you would." The bargirl growled and bared a set of yellow tusks, which I took to be an affirmative.
And now a return from fiction--(let me say that Maceman is like me in no way. I am not broad-shouldered, blond, or capable of scaring people out of their seats)
--I did some dramatic acting today. Sat in a chair in a dark room, it was apparently raining outside due to the light we shone through a sheet of fiberglass, which we pouring water down through plastic bags with holes in them...if you can picture that from my run-on sentence. I planted some droplets of water around my eyes and acted concerned. I was told I did a good job.
Have you heard about this coconut milk thing? I don't get it. How can a coconut give milk? I ask you...where are a coconut's nipples!? My mom told me how the coconut milk providers take the meat out of the nut and press it, but all that tells me is that they don't know where the nipples are either.
If we could just locate the nipples in life, we'd all be better off.