The Reel Deal and Other Bad Jokes
Thursday, April 22, 2004
Just watched "The Matrix: Revolutions." Not bad. Great lighting. The plot was, well, it was there. It didn't give me a reaction one way or another. The face made of thousands of little flying bug machines was the shit, though.

Two or three years ago, I attended the Summer Session in Drama at NCSA. One class this included was Singing. I have an OK singing voice (in a certain range), and I learned how to control it in this class.

The teacher was a Peuorto Rican named Ricky. Very cheerful guy, very funny. A good singer, of course.

The piano player who provided music for us to sing to was named Damon. Also Spanish but only in ancestry, as he told me. He smoked a lot and had a great mop of curly black hair. He wore pants that I told him he could smuggle Mexicans into the country with. He carried a dingy, palm-sized stuffed pig named Moopig. Moopig was the mascot of the singing class. Damon would puppet him from behind the piano and induce him to dance and make insulting motions at Ricky.

Before we started singing, we would have to warm up. This meant tongue twisters. To get over being embarrassed about singing, we made utter fools of ourselves. Here's how it went:

As Damon played the piano, Ricky instructed us to sing a certain tone, "OOOooooOOOooooOOOooo" or some such. Then..."Meditate!" We assumed the meditating pose. "Surf!" We pretended to surf. "Meditate! Surf! Meditate! Surf! Surf! Surf! Meditate! Meditate! Surfmeditatesurfmeditatesurfsurf!"

"Medisurf! Surfitate!" I coudn't tell the difference between those two.

"Now, pretend to be French tigers wearing snooty berets while painting three-dimensional pictures of Damon playing a therimin! At the same time, you are being chased by giant Moopig clones who are mummies and on fire! Don't stop the singing!"

Then we'd sing a show tune that I felt was rather naughty until the whole fall in love thing. It went something like "Birds do it/bees do it/even flowers in the trees do it/let's do it/let's do it/let's fall in love!"

Damon told us the original lyrics, which were racist and rude. Ricky wouldn't let us sing that version though. Something about chinks and japs.

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