The Reel Deal and Other Bad Jokes
Monday, April 19, 2004
Hey, Kevin: You ever tried the fish-and-chicken dinner at TJ's?
You probably are aware of Kevin's blog, Life at TJ's Place. It's the one that people are going apeshit over. When I said that Kevin inspired me to start blogging, I neglected to mention that it was because I wanted people to go apeshit over my blog. Oh, shit, did I just type that? Jynx! Fucking jynx!

Kevin has mentioned a girl who has blantantly come onto him on numerous occasions. The Girl In Question is a dancer at the club he works at (or an occasional dancer). She invited him to eat her out, something about Kevin being a bad boy and late for his dinner. If that weren't enough....well, I'll quote Kevin: "Earlier this week, she came up in the booth and bent over in front of me and started bumping her nearly-naked butt against me. She said, 'Kev, just grab my hair and slam me a couple times like you're banging me in the ass.' Kev gets really embarrassed by this kind of shit."

Kevin said he chickened out (never mind the "tastes like chicken" joke) during the late for dinner incident. I can understand that. Kevin told me via comment that there were too many people around to take her up on her offer anyway.

Well, gee golly Kevin, why not invite her over sometime when there are no people? As you said, "Danielle is one of those dancers who always complains about how she never gets laid." Give the poor girl a bit of company. Or maybe you'd rather be choosy with your charms? Perhaps you'd prefer to spend time with Jessica? That's reasonable, but gosh...I would think that Danielle is at least attractive, if she works in a strip joint, particularly more if she's a road girl (I'm not really that knowlegeable about this stuff, I'm just guessing). At least throw her a pity fuck, man...

Well, I understand that what ultimately happens is really none of my business. But if you're going to give your audience a glimpse into your love life, give us an idea of the money scene. We're not asking for, (well, I'm not asking for) torrid, erotic prose, merely a confirmation that something happened so we can feel like the story had an end. To the chapter if not the book. Picture your audience as a dog on a chain, desperate for more attention in the form of your humorous anecdotes. When you mention these tantalizing little tidbits concerning near-naked women coming on to you, it's like waving a big juicy piece of raw steak in front of the dog's nose (picture a large bulldog, like in the Tom & Jerry cartoons). We want to hear more.

So please, Kevin...no more yanking on the Chain of Curiosity. At least not without throwing a Biscuit of Confirmation. We don't want to have to call the SPCA on you.

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